medical jokes

I want to lose some weight

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

People are ignoring me

A patient walks into a doctor's office.

An invisible man is here to see you

Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next.

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Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.

Doctor: Tell me about your problem.

Patient: I just did, didn't I, you stupid fool!!

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Will I live any longer?

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

1 I can't find the cause of your pain As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your complaint. Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," said the patient, "I'll come back when you're sober" 1

Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.

Doctor: Next!

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John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

1